Summary: A war-hardened Crusader and his Moorish commander mount an audacious revolt against the corrupt English crown.
Short review and mild spoilers I guess.
The Two Leads. Normally I would do “cast and characters” but honestly, the only interesting characters in this movie is Robin and John. Friar Tuck was also interesting, but I don’t think we get to know him enough to really care about him, other than the fact that he’s a cool dude and kind of a “ride or die”. Also, the actor is likable.
Taron Egerton as Robin Hood. So, Robin is the Lord of Loxley and he’s pretty much doing his own thing. He doesn’t seem to be a douchebag or anything like that, he’s just a young guy living in his manor. He meets a girl, falls in love and all that whatever. He gets drafted to fight in the Third Crusade against the Saracens. He ends up being in the war for about four years and he basically gets dishonorably discharged because he tried to save John’s son after a lot of their enemies were captured. Anyway, when he gets home, he finds that his land had been ransacked and Marian kicked out of his home. He finds out that she’s seeing someone else after they were told Robin was dead. He ends up working with John, who stowed away and John trains Robin to be a better archer to end the war by stealing the money that was taken from the people to fund the war. So, with all that said lol, Robin is a good man, he’s passionate about what he believes in, he can be a little mischievous and Taron is really good at that. He thinks quick on his feet… think of it like Robin is a Gryffindor lol. He’s brave, a bit brash and is prepared to rush head first into things which can also be labeled as “stupid”. Taron does a good job in this role. I always think he’s good. He’s active, he pulls off the look really well and I believed that he could lead a revolution. Keep ’em coming Taron, just pick good movies.
Jamie Foxx as John. I love how the wiki says that he’s Robin’s best friend and I’m like “Ummm… not in this movie they’re not best friends, at least not yet.” They become friends and trust each other, but I wouldn’t say best friends. Anyway, John or “Yahya”, which is actual name, but “John” is the translation in the common tongue”. He is an Arab soldier who fought against Robin’s… unit? and he almost killed Robin, but his hand cut off in the process. John’s unit was captured, and Gisborne threatens to kill his son. John really tries to keep him from doing so as does Robin, which prompts John to stow away on the ship sending Robin back and to confront him about helping him to end the war. John trains Robin to be a great archer and excellent marksman and he does an awesome job because Robin becomes awesome with his bow and arrow. John isn’t that much of a focal point in the film, he’s there to train Robin and to keep him focused on their goal. He’s a badass when he fights, even with his one hand, and he is loyal as he doesn’t give up Robin when he gets captured for a time. Also, very resourceful. I was curious to see how Jamie Foxx would do in this kind of role, I have never seen him play something like this and he was quite good. I really enjoyed him. I don’t know what accent was putting on if there was really one at all, but I could tell he had fun and it was fun watching him. He had great chemistry with Taron.
Pretty Good Action. I think the action was handled well in this film. I mean, it’s not grand or anything like that, but I think when Robin puts his hood on, it’s really cool to see some of the cool things he does. I mean, he’s no Green Arrow or Hawkeye with his special arrows but he’s fast and it really looks like Taron is doing it. I know he’s doing a good amount of his own stunts but I’m sure the intricate moves he’s probably not but it’s so cool! Archery is always my first weapon of choice, I am a long-range fighter first lol. There’s a scene towards the middle of the film, it’s like his second big mark, where he doesn’t manage to steal anything, but it was so good because he had so much opposition! It kicked ASS! I was impressed with how much fun the action was.
Character Chemistry. You would think this would be between Robin and Marian… BUT NOPE! The chemistry between Jamie Foxx and Taron Egerton as these two different men who become friends under a common goal and respect was handled well. As I said before, I was little curious about Jamie Foxx in this kind of period piece and I thought he did well, and he and Taron really worked off each other. I liked the friendship we saw build between them. I am interested in a sequel just to see what more they do together now that they’ve created their group of Merry Men.
The Costumes… mostly Robin’s coat. I think the costuming in this film is mostly good. There are a few pieces that stood out the most, Robin’s coat which was turned into his signature jacket and of course the Sheriff of Nottingham’s blue coat. Both were pretty dope. The other costumes are nice, they fit into their period and almost have this future-esque feeling to them which reminded me a lot of King Arthur: Legend of the Sword.
Is that you Mask of Zorro? Someone saw that classic movie with Antonio Banderas was inspired because this movie is pretty much that movie. Man is sent away by the villain for some reason (Not for the woman this time around), man returns with a vengeance, usually with the help of another person, some mentor, he learns to fight better and while he is being a vigilante he is also parading as a playboy who supports the Sheriff. I mean… there are plenty of stories like this, but this was so glaring to me that I was like “ummm…” and it also reminds me of The Three Musketeers with Logan Lerman, Luke Evans and Orlando Bloom towards the last act of the film. It really took me out of the film because I kept thinking of comparisons. I will help fix this in my second post about this film.
No Character Development. Honestly, there is hardly any character development from any of these characters. You have Robin and John who are the two main leads, but they are pretty much the same people they are at the end as they were in the beginning. The only thing that really changes is their circumstances. I guess, you can argue that they managed to get over their differences to work together, but they did that early. It’s not like they fought throughout the film while working together. You don’t really get to know anyone on their journey throughout the film. We pretty much know them as soon as we meet them. All the characters were flat. Not to mention, what a lame villain. Not compelling at all.
No Tension/Investment. I never felt there was a threat in this movie. Sure, you have the Sheriff, but he wasn’t really a threat because I didn’t believe he truly believed in his cause. It was a “just because” kind of thing. I think this was a disservice to Ben Mendelsohn because he’s a good actor, but his character was so underwritten that I was like meh. Also, there was this kind of “love triangle” thing between Robin, Marian and Will and I was like meh because I wasn’t really that invested in either side of the romance. We just didn’t get to see enough of Robin and Marian for me to be like “oh yeah they need to be together” other than the fact that they’re an iconic couple. If it was established prior to the film start, then sure, but since they met and fell in love in this film, I wasn’t invested. Not to mention, I wasn’t that invested in Will and Marian either. Was it love or just a rebound? Dunno. But anyways, it becomes a crux for Will’s “new beginning” at the end of the movie and I was like “whatever dude” lol. I also never felt like Robin was in any danger of actually being caught. I like when the hero is on the run from the villain and they get caught and stay caught, or it takes longer than five minutes for them to escape. I just wanted to be worried for the people at least once! I never was!
Lame Villains. Again, a disservice to all the villains that show up in this film. We get at least four of them. Of course, the Sheriff, who is iconic but since his name is just a title, he could be anyone, which is shown in this film. That’s fine but he was never really a threat. I mean shoot, the Sheriff in the Disney Robin Hood was more of a threat and he was a bit of a bumbling idiot. We later meet the Cardinal who is working with the Sheriff but why? I mean, dude why are you worried about this little town? You want more power? You want to be able to overthrow the King? Pfft okay. Is it King Richard? Good luck with that hahahaha. Then at the end, we meet a new Sheriff of Nottingham and while I would like to see a sequel with him as the Sheriff (I don’t think it’ll happen), I didn’t really find him a threat, but he could be a great one.
Overall, I enjoyed Robin Hood. I don’t think it was that great or anything. There was a lot of potential, but I don’t think the movie quite measured up to what it was trying to put out. Taron Egerton and Jamie Foxx were good in their roles and their characters were mostly interesting. The costuming was nice, especially Robin and the Sheriff’s coats. I thought the action was handled well, it had nice choreography and Taron and Jamie had really nice chemistry which was needed for their characters. Now, on the other hand, I think the movie took too much from other films where it clearly reminds me of a better movie. The villains were lame, and I didn’t feel any danger or tension. I was never worried for what was going to happen. Ever. Lastly, there was barely any character development. You want to root for the characters and outside of just liking Taron Egerton and the fact that he’s Robin Hood, I don’t think I cared about him because we don’t know anything about him other than what we knew about him beforehand. Otherwise, it’s a fun movie. It’s not something I would necessarily recommend spending money for but check it out from your local library.
Rating: 2 out of 5 stars.
Have you seen Robin Hood? What did you think about it? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!
Summary: Anastasia and Christian get married, but Jack Hyde continues to threaten their relationship.
I mean does anyone care anymore? I mean literally. Seriously, if you like these movies and think they’re good, please please tell me why. I just want to hear your thoughts. I don’t want to argue lol.
The Costumes. Shay Cunliffe does the costumes in this movie and I hate to it say it but all of Ana’s clothes were beautiful. I found myself completely ignoring her words but falling in love with her clothes. Man, the choices, the designs, and her wedding dress, was really beautiful.
The Music. Again, I like the music. I can’t tell you though whatever song Rita Ora and Liam Payne did together, if I heard it, it’s definitely forgettable. I definitely know Eli Golding’s song though lol, which is my jam!
Looks Good. John Swartzman is in charge of the cinematography again and it looks good.
The Acting. So unlike the last one, in this one, I think Dakota Johnson does fine here. She’s a good actress so it’s unfortunate really (same thing happened with Kristen Stewart who I think is a good actress too) but I think there are times where she really tries to put something smart into her character. It doesn’t work but I think it’s easy to tell she tries. I still love the part from the trailer, where she lets that blonde lady have it lol. Cracks me up.
The Characters are Stupid. They are. They are so stupid. First of all, when Ana finds out she’s pregnant (it’s in the trailer), she’s already freaking out because she JUST found out, they’re married mind you, she just found out that Christian doesn’t want kids. Um, I think that should be something you learn BEFORE you marry the guy. But anyway, that’s dumb. Then of course Christian acts like a dick about it. Like a really big one. THEN, Ana goes hiking with some people, and she asks Elliot and Mia (Christian’s siblings) what he was like as a child… again, you married this man and you don’t know what he was like as a child? Something you should have known. So, then this terrible guy shows up again and he threatens someone and wants Ana to do something for him, but he told her she couldn’t tell anyone… I don’t see why she couldn’t. Sure sure, she was scared, but he didn’t have a way to know if she would have run into her bodyguard on the way out and told him. PLUS you are a bodyguard, shouldn’t you check their house every time she goes inside since someone attacked her once before? I mean, that’s your job. OH OH, how about when Ana says to Christian “you own that?” when she sees his airplane… bruh, you’ve seen all the stuff that he’s owned, why do you keep asking? Just go with it. Jack Hyde is mad at Christian for something he had no control over… that’s not my problem bro. NOT MY PROBLEM.
Stupid Stuff. So, we’ve never seen Ana drive a car, at least not seriously. We’ve seen her reference having a car but we never see her drive it… so when Christian lets her drive his sports car, she’s like friggin Jeff Gordon… HOW? She’s doing all these cool tricks and what not, HOW? DOES SHE EVEN DRIVE!? I mean… nope. Nope. NOPE. OH! And isn’t Ana like 22 or 23 or something? This “trilogy” has been at least a year in terms of time passed, so she’s young… Ana is an idiot. OH! And how exactly did she get her job at the publishing house? She was Jake Hyde’s secretary, okay cool, but then he gets fired and she gets promoted… why? What qualifies her? She literally just graduated college like last year right? So, how did she get the job of choosing manuscripts and what not? ALSO ALSO, Christian was mad at Ana for “sneaking out” to see her FRIEND… and he later punishes her in the Red Room. He tried to give reasons but they do not hold up sir, you cannot control her life and then try to withhold sexual stuff… that’s not the same thing. It’s not and you can’t make it make sense.
Bad Dialogue. As always, these movies are based on terribly written books so the dialogue is just ridiculous. The way Christian talks to people, just… who talks like that? I know you are based on a 17-year-old immortal vampire… but he at least sounds like he’s from a different time… what’s your excuse? These characters just say stupid stuff and then it’s supposed to be taken seriously.
Supporting Characters. Ugh so wasteful. This movie should just have Ana and Christian and no one else because who cares about everyone else. First of all, why is Ana still friends with Jose? Didn’t he attack her in the first movie, showing his “feelings” to her? Didn’t he take pictures of her, that she didn’t know about, blew them up and put them in his art show so people could look and buy? I mean… we wouldn’t be friends after that first movie. They keep letting him show up, he’s just there. Why? There is no reason. Then we have Kate, who is supposedly Ana’s best friend, we’ve seen her here and there but we would never know she and Ana are friends… for one, Christian barely lets her see anyone but him… which is ridiculous, then Kate just isn’t there. They try to force her back into the movie int his one and meh. Then there is Elliot and Mia who are Christian’s siblings, they are literally the Alice and Jasper characters of this movie but they are so bland and boring that anytime they show up, you go “Who?” and THEN Marcia Gay Harden shows up at the end… why is she even in this movie just for one scene? *sighs*
The acting. Outside of Dakota Johnson, everyone just ugh… Jamie Dornan has his moments but for the most part, he has no interest in this character. Eric Johnson who plays Jack Hyde is just hamming it up in this part. Then the lady who works at Ana’s job with the red hair, I don’t know how anyone would take her seriously, just terrible.
No Conflict. They keep trying to make conflict in these movies but the “Conflict” is so far and in between that there are just stretches of time where NOTHING is happening. Jake Hyde attacks Ana, but they fix that, and then it’s just… “fifty shades” for a long time. Then it’s the whole Ana going to hang out with Kate thing and Christian punishes her for that, which is had and solved literally in the same scene. Then more of the same, no conflict. Then it’s the baby thing where Christian goes off and sees Mrs. Robinson and NOW Ana is legit upset with him, and that leads into the last bit of conflict but the movie feels so long because nothing is happening. Nothing.
Overall, look this movie is bad just like the other two, but at least it’s better than Fifty Shades Darker which I think is the worst of the group. Still bad though. This movie wraps up the series but there is nothing to wrap up because this story is so dumb, so unsexy, so childish and cliché that outside of the author and her husband who wrote the screenplay, they all just got paid. The characters are dumb, Ana is not this strong, independent, smart woman she thinks she is. She tries to come off that way but then she turns around and just accepts Christian’s excuses, or “beautiful words” that she looks naive and idiotic. Christian wants to be this mysterious man but instead he’s just damaged and I’m sorry, why does Ana not know anything about him but she loves him and married him. Not to mention, she found out in the last movie, that he’s a sadist and he likes to punish women who look like her BECAUSE THEY LOOK LIKE HIS MOTHER who neglected him… that’s messed up. I could not. You need help homie not my hand in marriage. Plus, there are so many stupid choices in this movie, why can’t Ana see her friend? She has a bodyguard (Brant Daugherty is a beautiful man though), he should do his job and GUARD her. Check the house, make sure she’s safe… if you’re gonna force a guard on her Christian then let her live her life. Ana still just acts so shocked at things Christian says and does, but you love him, why is it a surprise anymore? Just live with it girl. Then y’all want me to care about these supporting characters that we don’t know? We have not spent time with ANY OF THEM! Oh Kate and Elliot might be having problems? Meh, whatever. Oh something happens to Mia towards the end, I don’t care, I barely know her. I mean really? There’s even some minor subplot with Ana’s parents but we never see her dad so definitely don’t care about that. Just… it’s all so dumb. There are positives, the music, the costumes, Dakota Johnson proves she’s good and it looks good but that’s all I can give it. We have finally been FREED and now we can just let these movies fall to the wayside and die. Good riddance.
Rating: 1.5 out of 5 stars.
Have you seen Fifty Shades Freed? What did you think about it? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. I would LOVE to hear from someone who likes these, seriously.
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Summary:While Christian wrestles with his inner demons, Anastasia must confront the anger and envy of the women who came before her.
**So I hate these books. I think that’s common knowledge from most people who know me. I hate them because they’re badly written, the characters are stupid and it’s Twilight fan fiction. I mean, Twilight is not like the best thing ever but it’s actually better than this. I just, I can’t even. No one can make me like them, no one can make me understand that they’re secretly good. Just no because they’re not. The movies… oh man the movies… I think I enjoyed watching this one because I watched it with my friend and we were cracking jokes the entire time, only thing we were missing was wine. *sighs*
The Soundtrack. Just like I said in the first one, the music is always so good and it makes me upset because when a new song is dropped, I’m into it and then they announce it’s from the Fifty Shades soundtrack and I’m like UGH! But the music is good, catchy and it’s literally the best thing in the movie.
Looks Good. Man, this film looks really good. Such a clear and crisp picture. John Schwartzmann is a GOOD cinematographer and I recognized his name when I saw it in the opening credits. I was like… “Really John?”
The Acting. It’s not all around bad, there are some moments where the actors are doing a good job, or as good as they can with such a terrible script. Sometimes it’s fine.
The Characters. Once again, these are such stupid characters. I think Anastasia takes the cake at being an idiot. Look, Bella was insufferable at times, but Ana is just DUMB! She would put herself in situations and then get upset because she couldn’t control the situation. I don’t care about spoilers for this but SPOILER ALERT… but she left him in the first movie because he showed her the worst he could do, which mind you, was spanking… okay, and when he comes back into her life, she barely fights him on it. Like she does, but not really, not enough to really make him work for it. SHE DOESN’T REALLY MAKE HIM WORK FOR ANYTHING EVEN THOUGH SHE TRIES TO ACT LIKE SHE DOES! She even WANTS to go back to his Red Room, she asks constantly throughout the movie to go back but she gets so horrified at everything else in this lifestyle that I’m like… girl, either you’re with or you’re not. Stop trying to save him. She goes into his Red Room and finds something, she asks him like 50 million times what it is, and I’m like… aren’t you supposed to be smart? Why don’t you ever google anything? Or look up anything to help expand your knowledge of this thing your man is into. So dumb. I could go on and on.
They tried to make Christian better in this and Jamie Dornan still can’t make me believe that he’s interested at all in this character. He looks physically better in this one, and there are times where he looks really earnest when he’s talking to Ana, but a lot of that is just Jamie Dornan’s adorableness coming through. He even does a lot of stupid stuff. You’re flying a helicopter near a dormant volcano and your copilot, or whatever is uncomfortable with that, why keep going towards it? I’d be pissed and we’d no longer be friends.
The Acting. I praised Dakota Johnson in the first one because while her character was dumb, she is still a good actress. However, not in this one, I’m sure it’s the change of direction for this one, but her acting quality went down drastically. Maybe it’s also the fact that the story is even worse compared to the first one. But she talks in this annoying warble the entire time, I know Johnson kind of talks like that but she doesn’t stay stupid stuff so it’s more noticeable. Everything just feels so understated, anytime someone SHOULD be upset about something, they never raise their voices, they just keep the same monotone level of speaking. For example, when Ana goes to Jose’s exhibit and finds all of his photos are of her, I would have been upset because people are looking at my photos and my best friend did not get my permission, and she’s like “it’s a lot of my face” and he even SAYS “I didn’t ask because I knew you’d say NO!” and she’s like “yeah” and she looks uncomfortable but I just found that entire exchange so underplayed. Later, when Ana and Christian are in his office, I feel like it was after he bought her job or whatever, they have an argument but not really because neither one of them seemed upset. Ugh.
NO Chemistry. They don’t have chemistry. They don’t have chemistry. They don’t have chemistry. Anytime they were together, I would roll my eyes because it was so awkward and we watched the Unrated version, so I don’t know how different it is compared to the theatrical version, but so awkward.
Sexy Times. So weird and awkward. Also, why did Christian NEVER take off his clothes. Like, it was so strange, and considering how “outspoken” she was, I would think she would have said something, especially since she kept trying to control the situation. It also was not sexy. I’m trying to see what people who watch and like these see because I don’t see it.
The Story. So dumb. So, Ana has a job and she’s no longer seeing Christian because he showed her just how bad it can get with a spanking and she left. Right. Okay, so he comes back, she lets him back easily, he gives her like a new iPhone and MacBook… okay. Then she starts seeing this girl, who keeps showing up watching her and we learn that that girl Leila was Christian’s previous submissive and she’s obsessed with him and angry at Ana because Christian actually “loves” Ana. So there’s that plot thread. Then, you have the whole thing with Ana’s boss, who has a thing for her, but she can’t tell of course because she’s so innocent, but I mean it’s not like her boss was subtle about it, but you have that whole thing and that plot will continue in the third one. THEN you have this whole thing with Christian trying to be better and letting Ana closer and whatever and I don’t care. There is so much going on this movie, that the major plot points happen but the in between parts are SO SLOW that the movie just DRAGS on and it’s so annoying.
TOO LONG. MY LORD! This movie was overstaying its welcome. There were so many times where I thought it was going off but it just kept going and going. The unrated is 131 minutes and the theatrical is 118 minutes. I don’t mind long movies, I can watch marathons and be fine, but this… it’s so bad that it just kept going and they kept trying to add in tension and it was done so terribly that I started to get bored, I wasn’t even having fun anymore.
The Dialogue. I know a lot of it is from the book but that doesn’t help its case, still sounds like bad fan fiction and there were so many times where the actors literally could not even make these words sound good. I would display some of it below like I did with the other movie, but I barely remember any of it specifically to do so and there aren’t enough quotes on the IMDB so. But it’s so bad.
Overall, this movie is horrible. It definitely would have been on my Worst of the year list if I saw it before I posted my life. It would have been number 1 because it was the worst thing. The soundtrack is good, as always, and film looks really good and sometimes the acting is passable. However, the acting is also pretty terrible, the quality went down from the first film. The characters are still dumb, they try to come off as these smart people who make adult decisions but they are not, it just comes off silly and unbelievable. There is no chemistry between Johnson and Dornan that any time they have a romantic moment, it just feels awkward, and it makes the sexy times even more awkward. This movie is way too long, it overstays its welcome by like 30 minutes and maybe that’s because I watched the Unrated version but ugh. The story is dumb and has like 50 plot points, but they’re all so shallow that the moments between those plot points are just filler and the dialogue is so bad that I cannot imagine anyone taking it seriously.
Rating: 1 out 5 stars.
Have you seen this movie? Do you like it? Please tell me why, I would love to hear comments from someone who does. I don’t want to argue, I’m just curious.
Please let me know in the comments below your thoughts!
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