Summary: Anastasia and Christian get married, but Jack Hyde continues to threaten their relationship.
I mean does anyone care anymore? I mean literally. Seriously, if you like these movies and think they’re good, please please tell me why. I just want to hear your thoughts. I don’t want to argue lol.
The Costumes. Shay Cunliffe does the costumes in this movie and I hate to it say it but all of Ana’s clothes were beautiful. I found myself completely ignoring her words but falling in love with her clothes. Man, the choices, the designs, and her wedding dress, was really beautiful.
The Music. Again, I like the music. I can’t tell you though whatever song Rita Ora and Liam Payne did together, if I heard it, it’s definitely forgettable. I definitely know Eli Golding’s song though lol, which is my jam!
Looks Good. John Swartzman is in charge of the cinematography again and it looks good.
The Acting. So unlike the last one, in this one, I think Dakota Johnson does fine here. She’s a good actress so it’s unfortunate really (same thing happened with Kristen Stewart who I think is a good actress too) but I think there are times where she really tries to put something smart into her character. It doesn’t work but I think it’s easy to tell she tries. I still love the part from the trailer, where she lets that blonde lady have it lol. Cracks me up.
The Characters are Stupid. They are. They are so stupid. First of all, when Ana finds out she’s pregnant (it’s in the trailer), she’s already freaking out because she JUST found out, they’re married mind you, she just found out that Christian doesn’t want kids. Um, I think that should be something you learn BEFORE you marry the guy. But anyway, that’s dumb. Then of course Christian acts like a dick about it. Like a really big one. THEN, Ana goes hiking with some people, and she asks Elliot and Mia (Christian’s siblings) what he was like as a child… again, you married this man and you don’t know what he was like as a child? Something you should have known. So, then this terrible guy shows up again and he threatens someone and wants Ana to do something for him, but he told her she couldn’t tell anyone… I don’t see why she couldn’t. Sure sure, she was scared, but he didn’t have a way to know if she would have run into her bodyguard on the way out and told him. PLUS you are a bodyguard, shouldn’t you check their house every time she goes inside since someone attacked her once before? I mean, that’s your job. OH OH, how about when Ana says to Christian “you own that?” when she sees his airplane… bruh, you’ve seen all the stuff that he’s owned, why do you keep asking? Just go with it. Jack Hyde is mad at Christian for something he had no control over… that’s not my problem bro. NOT MY PROBLEM.
Stupid Stuff. So, we’ve never seen Ana drive a car, at least not seriously. We’ve seen her reference having a car but we never see her drive it… so when Christian lets her drive his sports car, she’s like friggin Jeff Gordon… HOW? She’s doing all these cool tricks and what not, HOW? DOES SHE EVEN DRIVE!? I mean… nope. Nope. NOPE. OH! And isn’t Ana like 22 or 23 or something? This “trilogy” has been at least a year in terms of time passed, so she’s young… Ana is an idiot. OH! And how exactly did she get her job at the publishing house? She was Jake Hyde’s secretary, okay cool, but then he gets fired and she gets promoted… why? What qualifies her? She literally just graduated college like last year right? So, how did she get the job of choosing manuscripts and what not? ALSO ALSO, Christian was mad at Ana for “sneaking out” to see her FRIEND… and he later punishes her in the Red Room. He tried to give reasons but they do not hold up sir, you cannot control her life and then try to withhold sexual stuff… that’s not the same thing. It’s not and you can’t make it make sense.
Bad Dialogue. As always, these movies are based on terribly written books so the dialogue is just ridiculous. The way Christian talks to people, just… who talks like that? I know you are based on a 17-year-old immortal vampire… but he at least sounds like he’s from a different time… what’s your excuse? These characters just say stupid stuff and then it’s supposed to be taken seriously.
Supporting Characters. Ugh so wasteful. This movie should just have Ana and Christian and no one else because who cares about everyone else. First of all, why is Ana still friends with Jose? Didn’t he attack her in the first movie, showing his “feelings” to her? Didn’t he take pictures of her, that she didn’t know about, blew them up and put them in his art show so people could look and buy? I mean… we wouldn’t be friends after that first movie. They keep letting him show up, he’s just there. Why? There is no reason. Then we have Kate, who is supposedly Ana’s best friend, we’ve seen her here and there but we would never know she and Ana are friends… for one, Christian barely lets her see anyone but him… which is ridiculous, then Kate just isn’t there. They try to force her back into the movie int his one and meh. Then there is Elliot and Mia who are Christian’s siblings, they are literally the Alice and Jasper characters of this movie but they are so bland and boring that anytime they show up, you go “Who?” and THEN Marcia Gay Harden shows up at the end… why is she even in this movie just for one scene? *sighs*
The acting. Outside of Dakota Johnson, everyone just ugh… Jamie Dornan has his moments but for the most part, he has no interest in this character. Eric Johnson who plays Jack Hyde is just hamming it up in this part. Then the lady who works at Ana’s job with the red hair, I don’t know how anyone would take her seriously, just terrible.
No Conflict. They keep trying to make conflict in these movies but the “Conflict” is so far and in between that there are just stretches of time where NOTHING is happening. Jake Hyde attacks Ana, but they fix that, and then it’s just… “fifty shades” for a long time. Then it’s the whole Ana going to hang out with Kate thing and Christian punishes her for that, which is had and solved literally in the same scene. Then more of the same, no conflict. Then it’s the baby thing where Christian goes off and sees Mrs. Robinson and NOW Ana is legit upset with him, and that leads into the last bit of conflict but the movie feels so long because nothing is happening. Nothing.
Overall, look this movie is bad just like the other two, but at least it’s better than Fifty Shades Darker which I think is the worst of the group. Still bad though. This movie wraps up the series but there is nothing to wrap up because this story is so dumb, so unsexy, so childish and cliché that outside of the author and her husband who wrote the screenplay, they all just got paid. The characters are dumb, Ana is not this strong, independent, smart woman she thinks she is. She tries to come off that way but then she turns around and just accepts Christian’s excuses, or “beautiful words” that she looks naive and idiotic. Christian wants to be this mysterious man but instead he’s just damaged and I’m sorry, why does Ana not know anything about him but she loves him and married him. Not to mention, she found out in the last movie, that he’s a sadist and he likes to punish women who look like her BECAUSE THEY LOOK LIKE HIS MOTHER who neglected him… that’s messed up. I could not. You need help homie not my hand in marriage. Plus, there are so many stupid choices in this movie, why can’t Ana see her friend? She has a bodyguard (Brant Daugherty is a beautiful man though), he should do his job and GUARD her. Check the house, make sure she’s safe… if you’re gonna force a guard on her Christian then let her live her life. Ana still just acts so shocked at things Christian says and does, but you love him, why is it a surprise anymore? Just live with it girl. Then y’all want me to care about these supporting characters that we don’t know? We have not spent time with ANY OF THEM! Oh Kate and Elliot might be having problems? Meh, whatever. Oh something happens to Mia towards the end, I don’t care, I barely know her. I mean really? There’s even some minor subplot with Ana’s parents but we never see her dad so definitely don’t care about that. Just… it’s all so dumb. There are positives, the music, the costumes, Dakota Johnson proves she’s good and it looks good but that’s all I can give it. We have finally been FREED and now we can just let these movies fall to the wayside and die. Good riddance.
Rating: 1.5 out of 5 stars.
Have you seen Fifty Shades Freed? What did you think about it? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. I would LOVE to hear from someone who likes these, seriously.
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