Speak Now Storyteller

Summary:While Christian wrestles with his inner demons, Anastasia must confront the anger and envy of the women who came before her.

**So I hate these books. I think that’s common knowledge from most people who know me. I hate them because they’re badly written, the characters are stupid and it’s Twilight fan fiction. I mean, Twilight is not like the best thing ever but it’s actually better than this. I just, I can’t even. No one can make me like them, no one can make me understand that they’re secretly good. Just no because they’re not. The movies… oh man the movies… I think I enjoyed watching this one because I watched it with my friend and we were cracking jokes the entire time, only thing we were missing was wine. *sighs*

You can read my Fifty Shades of Grey movie review.

Anyway, here we go.

Pros:

The Soundtrack. Just like I said in the first one, the music is always so good and it makes me upset because when a new song is dropped, I’m into it and then they announce it’s from the Fifty Shades soundtrack and I’m like UGH! But the music is good, catchy and it’s literally the best thing in the movie.

Looks Good. Man, this film looks really good. Such a clear and crisp picture. John Schwartzmann is a GOOD cinematographer and I recognized his name when I saw it in the opening credits. I was like… “Really John?”

The Acting. It’s not all around bad, there are some moments where the actors are doing a good job, or as good as they can with such a terrible script. Sometimes it’s fine.

Cons:

The Characters. Once again, these are such stupid characters. I think Anastasia takes the cake at being an idiot. Look, Bella was insufferable at times, but Ana is just DUMB! She would put herself in situations and then get upset because she couldn’t control the situation. I don’t care about spoilers for this but SPOILER ALERT… but she left him in the first movie because he showed her the worst he could do, which mind you, was spanking… okay, and when he comes back into her life, she barely fights him on it. Like she does, but not really, not enough to really make him work for it. SHE DOESN’T REALLY MAKE HIM WORK FOR ANYTHING EVEN THOUGH SHE TRIES TO ACT LIKE SHE DOES! She even WANTS to go back to his Red Room, she asks constantly throughout the movie to go back but she gets so horrified at everything else in this lifestyle that I’m like… girl, either you’re with or you’re not. Stop trying to save him. She goes into his Red Room and finds something, she asks him like 50 million times what it is, and I’m like… aren’t you supposed to be smart? Why don’t you ever google anything? Or look up anything to help expand your knowledge of this thing your man is into. So dumb. I could go on and on.

They tried to make Christian better in this and Jamie Dornan still can’t make me believe that he’s interested at all in this character. He looks physically better in this one, and there are times where he looks really earnest when he’s talking to Ana, but a lot of that is just Jamie Dornan’s adorableness coming through. He even does a lot of stupid stuff. You’re flying a helicopter near a dormant volcano and your copilot, or whatever is uncomfortable with that, why keep going towards it? I’d be pissed and we’d no longer be friends.

The Acting. I praised Dakota Johnson in the first one because while her character was dumb, she is still a good actress. However, not in this one, I’m sure it’s the change of direction for this one, but her acting quality went down drastically. Maybe it’s also the fact that the story is even worse compared to the first one. But she talks in this annoying warble the entire time, I know Johnson kind of talks like that but she doesn’t stay stupid stuff so it’s more noticeable. Everything just feels so understated, anytime someone SHOULD be upset about something, they never raise their voices, they just keep the same monotone level of speaking. For example, when Ana goes to Jose’s exhibit and finds all of his photos are of her, I would have been upset because people are looking at my photos and my best friend did not get my permission, and she’s like “it’s a lot of my face” and he even SAYS “I didn’t ask because I knew you’d say NO!” and she’s like “yeah” and she looks uncomfortable but I just found that entire exchange so underplayed. Later, when Ana and Christian are in his office, I feel like it was after he bought her job or whatever, they have an argument but not really because neither one of them seemed upset. Ugh.

NO Chemistry. They don’t have chemistry. They don’t have chemistry. They don’t have chemistry. Anytime they were together, I would roll my eyes because it was so awkward and we watched the Unrated version, so I don’t know how different it is compared to the theatrical version, but so awkward.

Sexy Times. So weird and awkward. Also, why did Christian NEVER take off his clothes. Like, it was so strange, and considering how “outspoken” she was, I would think she would have said something, especially since she kept trying to control the situation. It also was not sexy. I’m trying to see what people who watch and like these see because I don’t see it.

The Story. So dumb. So, Ana has a job and she’s no longer seeing Christian because he showed her just how bad it can get with a spanking and she left. Right. Okay, so he comes back, she lets him back easily, he gives her like a new iPhone and MacBook… okay. Then she starts seeing this girl, who keeps showing up watching her and we learn that that girl Leila was Christian’s previous submissive and she’s obsessed with him and angry at Ana because Christian actually “loves” Ana. So there’s that plot thread. Then, you have the whole thing with Ana’s boss, who has a thing for her, but she can’t tell of course because she’s so innocent, but I mean it’s not like her boss was subtle about it, but you have that whole thing and that plot will continue in the third one. THEN you have this whole thing with Christian trying to be better and letting Ana closer and whatever and I don’t care. There is so much going on this movie, that the major plot points happen but the in between parts are SO SLOW that the movie just DRAGS on and it’s so annoying.

TOO LONG. MY LORD! This movie was overstaying its welcome. There were so many times where I thought it was going off but it just kept going and going. The unrated is 131 minutes and the theatrical is 118 minutes. I don’t mind long movies, I can watch marathons and be fine, but this… it’s so bad that it just kept going and they kept trying to add in tension and it was done so terribly that I started to get bored, I wasn’t even having fun anymore.

The Dialogue. I know a lot of it is from the book but that doesn’t help its case, still sounds like bad fan fiction and there were so many times where the actors literally could not even make these words sound good. I would display some of it below like I did with the other movie, but I barely remember any of it specifically to do so and there aren’t enough quotes on the IMDB so. But it’s so bad.

Overall, this movie is horrible. It definitely would have been on my Worst of the year list if I saw it before I posted my life. It would have been number 1 because it was the worst thing. The soundtrack is good, as always, and film looks really good and sometimes the acting is passable. However, the acting is also pretty terrible, the quality went down from the first film. The characters are still dumb, they try to come off as these smart people who make adult decisions but they are not, it just comes off silly and unbelievable. There is no chemistry between Johnson and Dornan that any time they have a romantic moment, it just feels awkward, and it makes the sexy times even more awkward. This movie is way too long, it overstays its welcome by like 30 minutes and maybe that’s because I watched the Unrated version but ugh. The story is dumb and has like 50 plot points, but they’re all so shallow that the moments between those plot points are just filler and the dialogue is so bad that I cannot imagine anyone taking it seriously.

Rating: 1 out 5 stars.

Have you seen this movie? Do you like it? Please tell me why, I would love to hear comments from someone who does. I don’t want to argue, I’m just curious.

Please let me know in the comments below your thoughts!

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